Past is Past???

過去真的能說過就過嗎？
真的那麼的簡單嗎！
如果 過去真的那麼的好說話
那過去不就太沒有原則了呢
過去不也是認真的在生活嗎

還是我太鑽牛角尖呢？

Imperfect

To my friend,

Yes, I have same feeling as you have:
. I feel that I have to be "perfect" before I can have love. I push people away even before we begin anything. I worry a lot and I feel that I have to be prepared for all eventualities. Yeah, I'm thinking of "exit strategies" even before I begin... I don't know why I worry so much.

And, I remembered he told me before. He likes me because I'm not perfect. If I'm perfect, there is no surprise, no fun.
It's so sweet and true. But I still can't stop worrying.... Finally, I lose him. That doesn't mean I didn't trust him. I just can't trust myself to deserve his love.

Now, I'm trying to accept myself will never ever perfect and to convince myself everyone deserves love including myself.

Love

翻起去年的隨身手冊
寫著

真正的愛是在你不需要另一個人的時候
真愛才發生
也就是說
在你完全的滿足自己
不需要依賴別人
愛才有可能發生
假若你對別人有需求
期待別人愛你
你只會去控制 佔有 剝削
你無法愛

已經忘了作者是誰
但覺得蠻有道理的

Honest & Trust

他曾說 I just want you to be honest & trust

我也不知為什麼
總是擔心這 擔心那的
總是想著他喜歡聽什麼 我就講什麼
結果反而讓他覺得我不 honest and trust him

現在開始慢慢的學習 be honest and trust to myself
接受自己的不完美
試著對同事表達自己真實的情緒和想法
目前還是會不習慣
回到家總是會擔心同事們會不會 開始不喜歡我討厭我了
但我實在是沒有太多的時間想這些了
過去的我一直活在別人的期望中
我真的希望從現在開始我就是我